she doesn't understand.or rather,she doesn't try to.
why do i need other people to talk to?why do i even WANT to talk to other people?
she's my lover and my best friend.i can talk to her about everything under the sun.
but what happens when what i want to say is about her?

who do i go to,when i wanna share that i'm insecure about her and her new,vibrant and exciting life? i tried talking to her.but she doesn't see what i'm saying.she just sees it as me trying to get her to restrain herself.i don't want her to change for me.i just need somebody to hear me.
yeah i told her about it.we fought and we made up.she gave me words and promises.
but deep down,i know that she can't possibly keep her promise without severely incapacitating herself.

i feel so lost.the lover side of my best friend is preventing her from hearing me out.
the part of my lover that is my best friend stops her from giving out love like she used to.

we'll find a way.i know we will.but she needs to open her heart.
please my dear.i need you to really hear me out.not just defend your stand.
i'm tired.

and i realised why i find that its nice talking to my ex-es.they are the people who understand you but yet have no expectation of you. that is what is different in them when being with me and when not with me. they no longer hold this opinion of 'i want my aidil to be this person' and instead see you as who you really are. i find that this makes it so much easier to connect with them. sentences like 'ya la i know you lidat one' is common and doesnt have a negative intonation to it.

the prejudice of seeing who you want your perfect partner to be blinds and frustrates you from seeing who your partner really is. then you fail to listen to each other cause, you think that the person you're with is no longer the person he was.

i'll do it.i'll see you not with any expectations of who i want you to be but with eyes that see how truly beautiful you already are and then i know without a shadow of a doubt, i'll fall in love with you once again, everytime i see you.

you are already perfect. i just stopped looking properly. i love you. i'll be more than i was yesterday.